Ep. 132 | Branford Momcast | ft. Beth Blalock, Carla Collins & Cara Howard

In today's episode, Astin Kahnk is joined by Beth Blalock, Carla Collins & Cara Howard for another Momcast episode! Listen in as they discuss parenting through life's different stages, as well as all the ways motherhood can bring you and your children closer to the Lord. Let's dive in!

If you have any questions about this podcast, or about The Orchard Community Church, we would love to hear from you! Visit our website at theorchardcc.org and fill out our contact form, or send us a message on Facebook (@IAmTheOrchard) or Instagram (@theorchard.cc). Until next time!

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Every age, every stage has its own challenges. And I feel like parenting has is something that has drawn me so much closer to the Lord. Like I can't do this on my own. Just times when I've been like, God, you've got to help us to know how to walk through this with them. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 0:19

And then especially as they got to be these adults, I can look at it and I see, oh wow, God, I see how you're working in that. It may not be exactly like I thought it was going to be, but I've seen how God has answered prayers. And I think those prayers can change. But the essence of those prayers that doesn't change, you know, because what we want is for our children to have a close personal relationship with God.

SPEAKER_04 0:43

Through it all, I think I wanted my children to be who God created them to be. But I'm in that stage where I can look at their lives now and think, you know, God created them to be that way, and now he's using them.

SPEAKER_01 0:57

Welcome to Let's Talk About That, the podcast where we deep dive into Sunday's message and explore your questions. I'm your host, Aston Kank, and I'm excited to share this journey with you. Whether you're a longtime member of the Orchard or a first-time visitor, Let's Talk About That is your space to explore, reflect, and connect. Join us as we navigate the intricacies of faith, spirituality, and daily life, seeking to understand how the wisdom shared on Sundays can be applied to our modern challenges. So, grab a cup of coffee, find a comfortable space, and let's dive in together. This is Let's Talk About That, where the conversation about Sunday's message never stops. Well, welcome back to Let's Talk About That. You guys asked for it, and the whole month of July, Momcast is taking over this podcast. Over the next four weeks, we'll be hearing from different ladies from across our three orchard locations as we talk about marriage, faith, life, and motherhood. And I am so excited to kick off the Momcast takeover with three special ladies from our Brantford location. I'll let them go around the table and introduce themselves. Just let our listeners know who you are and who you're married to.

SPEAKER_02 2:11

Hey, I'm Kara Howard. I'm married to Johnny, and we have two grown daughters.

SPEAKER_01 2:16

And you are the Brantford Kitts director, right? Kids coordinator. Yeah, yes. We love you.

SPEAKER_04 2:21

Love her. I am Carla Collins. I'm married to Tim and I have three children. What are your kids' names? Kyle, Trevor, and Kinley.

SPEAKER_03 2:30

Love it. Hi, I'm Beth Blaylock. I'm married to Eddie. We have two grown children who are probably the age of you ladies. I have 10 grandchildren, and some of them are the age of Aston.

SPEAKER_01 2:43

So I've kind of been at it for a while. Yeah. I love it. And so, yeah, Miss Beth is the OG, the original Pastor Eddie's wife. We love, love Pastor Eddie and Miss Beth. And so yeah, just so thankful for y'all to be on the podcast and just kind of just talk about motherhood and marriage and life and all those fun things. So I'll go ahead and jump right into the conversation. So thinking back to when you ladies were in the trenches of raising young kids, what were just some daily like spiritual disciplines or things that kept you anchored when you were starting to feel depleted or overwhelmed? Because I'm definitely in that season of life. So anything you have, I'd love to hear from you.

SPEAKER_02 3:19

Okay. So one thing that I did was there's not a lot of time when you're in the trenches and your kids are little and you're not toddler age. Yeah. So I found an app. I actually think one of my friends recommended it, and I think it was called First Five. Okay. And it was like a daily devotion, but you could do it in five minutes or less. Okay. And so I would use that. It's hard to start your day. Like I really always wanted to start my day, you know, earlier than the kids and have that great spiritual time in the morning.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

We've talked about how it can't be quiet time. It's got to be, you know, private worship because it is not going to be quiet. Right.

SPEAKER_02 3:54

And but it's hard to do that. Like especially when you're tired and you have kids that maybe aren't sleeping through the night. So but I could find that I could carve out five minutes of the day for that.

SPEAKER_01 4:03

Yeah. Yeah. That's really good. I feel like that's where I'm at right now because my morning starts six o'clock right when the baby wakes up and it's like, where has the day gone? But yeah, I may have to maybe have to try that that daily. You said that is it first five or daily five? First five. Is that the le not Lisa Turkers? Is she the one that I think she is? Is she that does that? Yeah. Actually, I think I have that on my phone. I might need to redo that. Re-rewatch it, re-listen to it.

SPEAKER_02 4:26

And then not, you know, focusing so much on like lengthy prayers either. Like I would just pray as I'm going throughout my day. Lord, you know, watch over my children as they as I drop them off at school. Yeah. Be with me. You know, while you're folding laundry or something, just little prayers that you kind of say as you're just breathing through your daily things through life. Okay. That's good. What about you ladies?

SPEAKER_04 4:46

I don't ever remember having my wonderful sit-down, quiet time when I was grow raising kids. I did the same thing. Like my time with Jesus was all throughout the day. Some of those days might have just been like, Lord help me, Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 4:59

Give me the strength right now.

SPEAKER_04 5:01

So there was those moments. But as far as with my children, I always I never I always went to, it was back when there was the Christian bookstore. And I remember some of our times was always I just would buy those little simple kid devotion type things. And your day might not go perfectly starting off with them at breakfast time, but at our me I just always used them at the mealtime because we always had meals together at the time. And I did that throughout their lives. Yeah. My home was mealtime. I mean, of course, sports as they get older, but as many times as we could be around a table. Yeah. And so around the table was the time that we would do the devotion time and talk things over and pray. You know, other than the times you sit with them at night and pray with them in the bed and stuff. But so I did definitely try to have those times with them.

SPEAKER_03 5:53

But my time was scattered throughout the day. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, it was kind of basically the same way. We had I had devotionals that I would read, you know, that kind of thing. Try to start early in the morning, like everybody else. But it was just kind of hit and miss sometimes. But I did always try to pray during the day. Like y'all, you know, small prayers. I started had started doing first five when she said when Kara said that about. You know, a friend of mine told me an app when my kids were little, and I thought, an app. I found the app like just a few years ago. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Hey, come on. We did not have any of that when my kids were little. But anyway, we I would try devotionals. I tried devotions reading with them, you know. We I said, okay, I'm gonna start it now. Today. Today I'm gonna do it. We're gonna do it at mealtime or whatever, and it would go for a little while. And then it things would get hectic and I wouldn't do it. You know, so I guess the one thing that we did was, you know, like maybe during the day, if they were there and just try to point out things, you know. You know, look look what God's done. That's good. Yeah. Look, look at the tree. You know, God made the tree. Yeah, of course when they're preschool. Yeah. But at night it was always a time of prayer, just in their room, in their bed, just to kind of one-on-one. Yeah. You know, praying. And like I say, for me, probably once the kids got older into school, there was more of a schedule. You know, I was able to get up earlier. Yeah. And because, you know, that's when the day was gonna start. Yeah. And so I still do that. I will say I'm probably not a real morning person. I can look around here and I can see Carla's a morning person. I'm not sure about Kara. Aston, I kind of think, but I'm definitely not. Yeah. I like to get things done early, but I don't want to talk or anything like that. So even now I still get up before six o'clock. Oh, wow. Yeah, to have my quiet time. Yeah. You know.

SPEAKER_01 7:48

So thinking about, you know, being in those trenches and having young kids, how did you ladies, and and and I need all the wisdom because I feel like I'm sitting in this right now, but how did you ladies learn to move from striving to have the quote unquote perfect Christian home to just resting in God's peace and sovereignty? Because I know, especially for me now, you know, you have the social media aspect, you see all these people that have the perfect homes. And obviously, you know that's a small glimpse of it, but still I see that. I'm like, oh my gosh, I don't have the whole like perfect, you know, meal prep for my kids. You know, a lot of the times Lucy's breakfast and lunch might be the same thing. And so it's like, how do you move away from trying to be this perfect Christian home to just, yeah, rescuing God's peace and sovereignty?

SPEAKER_03 8:32

Can I speak to that? Absolutely, yeah. Um, so when my kids were little, my personality is very type A, probably. And so I was always, Eddie calls me still his rule keeper, you know, and I try to get away from that. But, you know, he'll say, I know it kills you to walk across that street and that little hand is up and telling you not to move. I say, yes. So, but but at home, I still, you know, I thought, okay, this has worked for me. So it'll work for my family. Days that I cleaned, you know, days that I did laundry, days that I, you know, and all the toys had to be all picked up and everything. And finally, I realized one day, I know it was God probably speaking to me saying, Listen, that is not so important. And you're gonna drive your kids crazy if you keep up this kind of schedule. Yeah. And so he did move me away a lot from that, having that perfect house. Yeah. Now, of course, when people came over, I was like, oh my gosh, it's such a mess, you know. Yeah, I still do that. Yeah. But I did have to move away because that I had to think about my children too. Mm-hmm. And of course, my husband. But having that perfectly groomed home or perfectly groomed yard is I had to learn that that is not where it's at. You know, it is speaking into our kids' lives, you know, just having time with them. But as they grew up and got into the teenage years, that was harder for me as far as people's perspective. Really? Oh, yeah. Because I felt like my kids, the way they acted, behaved, the way other people saw them was a reflection on me.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

And see, I feel that right now. Yes. If my four-year year two is learning how to do I yes, I totally feel it now.

SPEAKER_03 10:19

Yeah. And I but I really felt it, I guess, when they were teenagers. For one thing, when they were young, we lived out in the country and I, you know, it was a very small community. And then as we moved to Brantford, the kids were older. And so, and we were like two blocks from the school, and you know, and we would have people, I'll just say, we would have people come to Eddie and say, Well, I heard so-and-so, you know, that this is what was going on. Finally, he spoke up one day and said, Listen, if you can't tell me for sure that you know this, or that you can't tell me who it was, yeah, then we don't want to hear it. Yeah. Yeah. So I'd I'd struggled with that a lot, you know. And finally the Lord was just like, This is not about you. This is about your children. Yeah. You gotta pray for your children. You gotta just teach them what you know and let me handle the rest. Yeah. And don't worry about how it's gonna reflect, which is very hard. Yeah, it's very hard not to think about that. But you know, that was a lot of burden I think I was putting on my kids too. Mm-hmm. That they had to be a certain way. Yeah. So that that that was hard. But he did, he eventually, through his patience with me, I think he moved me away from that, and I had to realize that this was about their walk. And I just had to pour into them what I believe was the word of God and how I believe that God would expect us as Christians to behave and try to leave it at that.

SPEAKER_04 11:47

Yeah, that's so good. Yeah, very good. Because I'm thinking, I'm just now getting there where you just said those things you just said. Because in the beginning, my personality, when my kids were little, was like, we're just doing our thing over here. But the only time I ever worried about my house was when God love her, my mom came because you know she's a lot neater than I am. Now I've moved into neatness, you know, through life. But as far as those things that Miss Beth said, I did that too. Like as they kept getting older is when I started worrying more. And I'm worrying more about what people thought and people judging my decisions on how I'm raising them spiritually. And I said those statements to my children over and over about you are a reflection of, you know, us. And I've said that over and over. And until you just said that, I'm thinking, you know, I didn't I really realize how much pressure that probably was for them. But I did, I would say that all through those teenage years. Like, but I'm just now getting to the part where I've spent some time, you know, and college years were not some of my favorite years of raising my children. And I spent a lot of tears in prayer, and I have finally decided I'm gonna have to like God. This is their spiritual life now. Yeah, it's not gonna look exactly like I want their spiritual life to look like. And that's still some things I'm working out at this moment in time where I'm just having to pray over, and God just keeps reminding me that I have poured it into them. It's there. Yeah. I planted those seeds as children, I nurtured it, I taught them, I showed them. That was the most important thing. Yeah. You know, when they were younger, it was like teach them, teach them, teach them. And then as they started getting older, I started having to realize I got to show them. I have to show them in my life. I have to model it. Yeah. I have to be, if I'm gonna taught the talk, I'm gonna have to be walking the walk. If these are the things I want to see in their lives, I want them to see that in mine. Yeah. And so now as they're older, I think I share a lot more with them about what I'm praying for them. Where in the past, I'm just that's just mine and God's time, and I'm telling him. But now as they're getting older, I think I'm making it more aware to them what I'm praying for them and learning to pray it and let God guide them.

SPEAKER_01 14:01

Yeah now. I heard something the other day, it was like about something about like your child's testimony. It's like as moms, we want to protect them from so much, but it's like you have to let God's testimony work its way out in them. And that was hard for me because I am so hype A and I want to protect, I want to keep them safe. But I'm like, man, like God's gonna do something in them that's Lord willing, well, you know, direct people to follow Jesus. So it's like I can't interfere with that process. And I'm sure that is so hard because I only have littles, but I feel like it was good poured into me of like, okay, take a step back. You know, we're working on a lot of behaviors right now, and so it's like just let those things work out, pray, you know, pray with them, but ultimately like let God do his thing. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 14:41

And because I've said this I think a time or two before, but having control over them, like it's letting that control, but we got to do it, and that is very good what you just said. I mean, he their testimony is something God wants to mold and make. And I can't be trying to mold and make it what I want their testimony to look like. And so letting loose of that as they've gotten older, yeah, is difficult. It is difficult. But I do know that's what God wants, but yeah, it's difficult to do is I mean, that's we're human.

SPEAKER_02 15:13

Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy because as I sit here listening to each of us talk about this, it's like every stage in your child's life has its own challenges. So when they were little babies and toddlers, we do have so much control over what their day looks like. And like being in the trenches, I think where you originated this question. Yeah. Some of that you just have to give up or you're gonna make yourself crazy. Yes. I don't think when my kids were really little, I was not on Pinterest. So I had the blessing that I wasn't trying to have a Pinterest perfect home. So, you know, we could just play and kind of deal with them. It's up to your personality. Can you deal with the leaving the toys out some, or do you need it to be picked up before you can rest at night? But then as they age each stage, you think like, oh, when they're infants, it's so hard because you're not getting enough sleep. But then you get up to middle school and you're like, Whoa, this is way harder. Like the the hormones start taking effect. And like I can even remember going through stages with our girls where they would say something and then later they would be remorseful and they're like, I I didn't I knew I shouldn't have said that. Yeah, but it came out anyway. Yeah. And so then you have to deal with grace. You need to say, Yeah, I've been there too. We've all been teenagers, and it is hard. Middle school is difficult, and then they get to be high schoolers and they start driving and they have friends. You know, yeah, they want to go in places, places with their friends. They want to get into a vehicle with other teenagers, right? It gives you chills just thinking about like a minute. I can't even think about that. Yeah. And so then their lives become busier. Yeah. And you have to determine, okay, what what am I going to take a stand on? What are the battles that I'm willing to, I'm drawing the line. Yeah. And is it because I'm drawing the line because, like Carla said, I'm worried about what other people are going to think about my parenting decisions, or am I drawing the line because as the parent, I feel like this is what's most important to me. That's good. Yeah. And those are really hard things to discern when you're in the trenches. Yeah. I know that we didn't always make the best decisions because I've never lived in a big city, but even in a small community, especially, you feel like every thing that you do is under a magnifying bias. Yeah. And it may not be, but at the time it feels that way. Yeah. And then our girls are also, you know, young adults now. Like Carla was saying, the college years, they have their own set of trials. And then when they're out of your house, they get to make their own decisions. Yeah. And they may not want your opinions on it. Yeah. And that's something that my husband has really tried to help me accept. And he'll say, You don't need you don't she wasn't asking for your opinion. You can keep it. I'm like, no, I wouldn't give it, but I wouldn't really give it to you. So yeah, I mean, it's just every age, every stage has its own challenges. And I feel like I really don't know how parents do it when they don't have a relationship with God. Yeah. Because I feel like parenting has is something that has drawn me so much closer to the Lord. Like, yeah, I can't do this on my own. There's been tears and just times when I've been like, God, you've got to help us to know how to walk through this with them.

SPEAKER_03 18:32

Yeah. And you know, I will say too, y'all, your your kids are like in their twenties, I guess. And so when you said that about that, you don't always have to give your opinion, even though you think your opinion's right. Oh yeah. Because I know me, yeah. Right. If they would just listen to me, it would be all right. You know, they would would learn and they would avoid, you know, some things. But I will say though, I've had to learn to keep, you know, my opinion to myself sometimes and to give up the control, especially like you said, when they're out of your home. And so I have found too that there are some times when you do keep your opinion to yourself, you don't say anything, you just let them talk. And you just let them talk. Sometimes they can figure it out on themselves, sometimes they can't, and you know they're not making a good decision. But you know what? That's it's got we I have to realize that that's their decision. You know, they're an adult, that's their decision. But I will say that there does come a time, and I know it's probably different in each home situation, that your parenting changes and you can become their friend. I'm still their parent. Yeah. You know, they still look to me as their parent, but it's also a friendship that develops and they will at some point need your opinion and will want your opinion. Yeah. And will feel free to come talk to you if they don't feel like you're always just saying, I love you would just do this, you know, it would be okay. Because sometimes if they would just do that, it still won't be okay. Yeah. But I do think it it will change. And and I love the season that I'm in right now, you know, because my grandchildren are your children's age, you know. And sometimes they're again. Mm-hmm. I'm still I'm praying for my grandchildren, you know. Yeah. And Beth, you don't gotta tell them every time, you know. And yeah, you don't gotta matchmake and you don't gotta say, if you would just, you know, follow this, it'll be fine. You know, so I have had with my grandchildren, I have to learn to step back and just say, God, you know, I've seen you work and I know you're gonna work in this.

SPEAKER_01 20:32

That's good. All right, so we talked about, you know, your adult children. So how have your prayers for your adult children changed from what you prayed for them when they were little to now as adults?

SPEAKER_04 20:43

I would say that I still have some of those same prayers. Of course, you know, about their spiritual walk, yeah, about their relationship with Jesus. Those are some of the same things. You know, and then of course there was career decisions and those kind of things that I've prayed over and still pray for some of mine. And then out of all three of my children, neither one of uh none of them have a significant other. And so I have game into that season of okay, there's always been praying for the right person coming to their life at some point in time. But I think they're all now at a place where they all kind of are wanting that, you know, and or maybe I'm wanting it more than them. But you want to do matchmaking like Miss Beth. But I would just listen to you, they would just, yeah. But everybody I throw out, there's like mom, stop doing that. We will find our person. Yeah. But so those are some of my prayers at the moment in time. All right, you know, you want them to find the right person. And so, and I want it to be somebody that God, I really do want it to be somebody that God places in their lives. So me and Guy go back and forth about that.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

Like, you know, why can't you Where's I tell them my prayers right now for Jacks are like, Lord, would you please give him self-control? Would you give him peace and a sound mind so you make really good choices? And we're we're supposed to at school today. At school's our one. Goal. And then obviously, you know, because he's been asking some really great questions lately, like even at four years old. Like the other day, he was asking about heaven. And he was like, Well, tell me about heaven. Who's in heaven? And you know, we talk about heaven. When you make that choice to follow Jesus, and he was like, Well, how do you do that? And so I told him, I said, That's when you know you ask God to lead your life, lead your heart. And then all of a sudden he's like copying what I'm saying. He's like, Okay, I'm gonna go to heaven now. And I was like, Well, maybe it takes a little bit more than that. But even at four years old, and I think it just goes back to the kind of thing you guys said about that watching your kids watch you daily, how you interact with God. I feel like I'm like, Lord, hopefully those seeds are being planted. But I do because he's asking those really good questions. So yeah, my prayers are just like, Lord, can we please just give Jackson self-control in the in the classroom today? That won't stop. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's gonna continue on, you know.

SPEAKER_03 22:49

And saying good decisions, that keeps on keeps on.

SPEAKER_04 22:52

So those prayers don't change a bunch of those of some that are this the daily. Here we are again.

SPEAKER_01 23:00

We're back in the door.

SPEAKER_04 23:01

Here we go. Do you know what I said yesterday? We're gonna pick up right there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:05

And sometimes I rephrase it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:07

Like thinking, maybe you didn't get it. Yeah. You didn't get it. Let me rephrase that. Yeah, yeah. What about you, Abby's? Anything that, you know, maybe you've seen your prayers change from when they were little to now. Even for you, with your now you're a great meme. So even with that, you know, what are some things maybe you're praying right now?

SPEAKER_03 23:24

I think probably, you know, I've seen my I've seen my kids. They're all saved. They they have Christian homes, you know, they're trying to raise their children. So I think for mine, as far as for my children, I'm praying that God will just give them wisdom and raising their own children. You know, and I see that they follow some of the same things. Okay, you know, like I'm like, okay.

unknown 23:48

You know.

SPEAKER_03 23:49

I know in the the podcast I did before about with the song, you know, I trust in God, and the part that says I sought the Lord and He heard any answer. I just look at my life, our our life from when our kids were little till now, you know. And I can think of prayers that I have prayed since they were little. And then especially as they got to be these adults, I've still prayed those prayers. And now I can look at it and I see, oh wow, God, I see how you're working in that. You're answering that, you know. It may not be exactly like I thought it was going to be, but I've seen how God has answered those prayers. And I think that when you are a Christian parent and you're praying for your children, those prayers can change. Like you said, what kind of prayers, you know, those prayers can change. But the essence of those prayers That's so good. It that doesn't change, Gina, because what we want is for our children to have a close personal relationship with God. And he he, I believe he will work in their lives because you've planted seeds, he will work in their lives to bring that about. And it can be through hard times, it can be through things that you would never have wanted for your children. But God even uses those times to say, okay, you've worked it your way. How how's that going? Yeah. Yeah. And so he will interject himself into their lives. I read something the other day about it's in, I can't remember now. I think it was Elijah. Okay. And he was hidden in the rock and and God passed by with the storm and the earthquake, and God wasn't in that, but God was in the whisper. You know, he heard the whisper. And I thought, there's been so many times when I've prayed things for my children and I've said, okay, well, you know, what they're going through now, that will surely turn them around. You know, nope. Nope. That's not the way it happens. Yeah. God works in his own time, and it might be through a quiet little whisper or something that he reveals to them that turns them and they say, Oh, yeah. You know, what mom and daddy taught me, it it's real. Yeah. It is real, you know, but they have to experience it for themselves. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:57

I have a question. Do you guys write down any of your prayers? Like, do you have a prayer journey where you've like written down and like had God when He answered it? I've tried that over the years and I just can't seem to stick to it. I'm not good at it. So you think Brandon and I had said this year was honestly even like taking a moment to even write down those prayers and actually tried again, key word is try to have like documentation of like what those things are. Because same thing I can look back even at just my short 30, almost 36 years of life, and I can see where God again interjects Himself in such a small, still, sweet way. And there were prayers that were answered, they may not have been answered the way I want them to be answered, but it definitely molded and shaped me.

SPEAKER_02 26:35

And I don't know, that just like popped in my head if you guys I hope you're able to do that because that would be so sweet to look back on.

SPEAKER_01 26:41

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I I do like my quiet time is journaling. I do journal like a lot because that's I almost have to like get all the junk out first before I can even have time with God. And so I do try whenever I have a moment to actually write out, dear Lord, thank you for this. And then it turns into like, I need your help with this. And then lately, this probably the last maybe two years I've done it, I've been able to go back and see what I was facing a year ago and be like, man, God's actually like, look how He's work. So I'm not, I was much better at it. Sweet little Lucy, you know, 11 months old, she got me a little busy. But that is something that I've like, yeah, tried to try to do. So would love to ask you, ladies, during your motherhood journey, do you have any older women or mentors in your life that kind of just poured into you during those like really hard seasons? And how has that affected and impacted the way you view discipleship? That's a deep question.

SPEAKER_02 27:37

So at our previous church, I was in a ladies' Sunday school class. And those are some of the best times in my motherhood journey when the girls were small. Yeah. We had Kathy Jones, Miss Beth was there for a while. Okay, Kieran Kuhn, O'Reilly Goss. I know I'm gonna leave some ladies out, but I just felt like during that time with the girls being little and up through elementary age, that those ladies were able to kind of listen and not judge. Yeah, and give a perspective on it that I wasn't able to see during that time. That's so good. And then the other part of this question that I feel like is has been important in my life is not only having people, women that were older than me to be like, hey, we've walked through this, it's gonna be okay. But also having women the same age, okay, um, who are also Christians that are your safe place that you know you can because I don't know anybody whose kids are perfect. Yeah, but you also don't get that deep look into everybody's lives, as we shouldn't.

SPEAKER_01 28:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:43

But to have a few close girlfriends that you can say, like, uh man, I'm really struggling, and here's why. Yeah. And you know that they're gonna protect your family, your heart and your secrets. Yeah. The things you're struggling with, and they're gonna pray with you through it. Man, that's valuable, right?

SPEAKER_01 29:00

Yeah. Yeah. What about you ladies? Any women that maybe have poured into you, and then how have you guys also viewed mentorship now that you're kind of out of the trenches of I mean, you're never out of the trenches, but you know, your your perspective on motherhood has shifted a little bit.

SPEAKER_04 29:14

Well, when I got married young, I at the time we had a young pastor and his wife that were new to the previous church I was at. They were she was probably I think she's maybe like 12 years old or she had young children, and it was my first because I had grew up in church, but it was my first time getting a real look at that we don't have to be perfect, and she guided me through that. You know, I'm a pastor's wife, but we're not living a perfect life. And she poured in a lot of wisdom about being a Christian mother, and then as um and or first as a wife. But when I got married, I stepped into motherhood. My husband had a child, and so lots of guidance through her. And I was always very close to my mother. She was young mother, we kind of, you know, so her guidance and then my friend Renee. So as a young mother, young wife, those two poured into me a lot. And then just as Kara said, as you get older, you have those friendships that you've built, and some of them you meet when your kids become friends. I love it. And some of them we meet on Bahamas trips and you know, all those kind of things. Right. You know, I just I've looked back a lot of times and look how God orchestrated that, you know. Those are some of the people in my life that are still with me now, and I know that I could text them out, you know. A little genus camp comes to my mind. You could text her at any moment in time, and I know without a doubt that she's praying. Yeah. Right then. And her and her husband. And so those kind of people that God just orchestrated. Like I would have I knew who they were, but I didn't get to know them until I was on a mission trip with them. Yeah. And I would say presently, right now, that she has become very important in my prayer life and with my family. But there's so many other women I through my life. But I just love how God orchestrates and puts the right people in your life at the right season of life because you know, the things that we're praying about are still some things that like Janice's praying about now. You know, those kind of things. Yeah. Those things just get me all kind of like how great he is.

SPEAKER_01 31:23

One thing you said that I love though is it does take you, and like you said the same thing, Kara, was just being vulnerable. I think that's and realizing like you're not perfect, but having those people that know you're not perfect and it's okay. And I think that can be a struggle with moms and just women in general, is we have to be perfect. And if we show our flaws, then you know, what works do we have? But I think that's the beauty in the gospel, and the beauty in just the the church itself is like you have women that want to rally around you, that want to pour into you, but it also just shows the importance of community, whether it's a small group, whether it's a group of women you grab coffee with or you serve alongside. I mean, I think serving, I think you guys could probably say as well is a great way, you know, whether it's Bahamas Mission or it's on Cafe in Brantford or, you know, kids, whatever it is, it's like you have to do life with other people to build those relationships because then you want to be able to be vulnerable and open and be like, hey, you know, I'm struggling with this. What are some things you can pour into me? Or I think I think prayer is one of those things too. Like so many people say, Well, what can I do? It's like, no, praying is like the best thing you can do. Yeah, that's what you need. And you need those prayer warriors in your group. So I love that you said that and how it's like just different phases of life, different events that God throws them into your life for a reason for that. Yeah. What about you, Miss Beth?

SPEAKER_03 32:39

Well, I think what Kara and Carla both said about having women of different ages, I think that's important. I think you don't always have to look for the woman who is older, you know. You can have somebody who's your age. You can have people who are younger than you that you know walk the walk that that God has ordained for them and they become friends. And and it is important, as something that Kara said, is that you know, you've got those friends that you know that you can share with and that who won't speak out beyond you two. And I can think right now of a friend that I have that I don't even see her hardly ever, and yet we keep in touch. She's in another state. But I um I first became came to know her when we were in our very first church. And I was 19, and she was only like at that time she might have been 13 something. And of course, we didn't have that same kind of relationship. But as the years grew and we moved and their ministry her and her husband's ministry actually took them to the same church that we were at. And we just became such close friends. And even to this day, she's one of those that I know I can call and say, Hey, I am really going through a hard time right now. Explain the whole thing, she'll listen, and then, you know, she may not say anything right then, but she said, I will pray. And then, but we stay in touch. Yeah. And then, of course, my mom was probably the biggest influence in my life. Yeah. And there would be times though that when I have to, when I was younger, I'd say, I I was the one thinking, Mom, you need to keep that to yourself. You know, I'm doing the best I can, yeah, and I don't need that right now, you know. But but she was probably the most godly woman that I believe that I've had the privilege of having her in my life. Yeah, because I saw her walk through some really, really tough times when my father was sick and when her mother died, and when and then she remarried, and when he passed away. And I just saw her walk a steadfast, continuous walk with the Lord, no matter what she was going through and what she was facing. And I thought, you know, after you don't you don't see it necessarily at the time, but when it's all said and done, you know, and then you look back and you think, yep, that's that's the kind of woman I want to be.

SPEAKER_01 35:01

Yeah. Yeah. No, that's so good. So the last question I have for you ladies is if you were to look back on kind of your kids at really any age, what was one thing that you did with your children that you're so glad you did? And what is one thing that you wish you would have worried less about?

SPEAKER_02 35:18

Can I go first? Absolutely. You were ready for this. I was ready. So I liked this question so much that I texted it to both of our girls. Oh, wow. Because I wanted their responses. Yes. And so our oldest said that the one thing that she felt like she was glad that I did as her mom was no matter what, like if you went through a heartbreak or didn't do so well at whatever sport you were in, you know, you messed up during the game or maybe your grades. Like I gave them a day. You have the day. You can wallow in it, feel all those feelings. That's good. You want MMs, you want ice cream, we'll sit here. We're gonna have a pity party. Yeah. Or a day. Yeah. And then after that, you're gonna dry your tears. You're still gonna have feelings, but you're not gonna let them control you. You're gonna that's good. Put yourself together. Yeah. You're gonna go back out and face the world. Yeah. Because it's gonna be okay. Yeah. Which I was surprised when she said that when she texted me back. And it was immediate when I asked. Oh, wow. Okay. And she said, yeah, she still uses that advice to this day. That's good. And then our youngest, her response was that she was glad to be raised Southern because she gets compliments on her manners. She knows how to use manners and how to hold conversations. And she gets complimented by that um from people that are older.

SPEAKER_01 36:39

Oh, I wasn't expecting so important, but I think it goes back to the whole like sitting and having a dinner conversation. Ray and I have a rule, like, we don't have our phones out. It's like you look at the person, how is your day? And then if you have a follow-up questions and then your manners, yes, ma'am, no, ma'am. And which, you know, when we took Jack's back to to Nebraska, you know, they they don't use the yes, ma'am, no, sir. And they're like, oh, that's so proper. And I was like, Well, that's what we do in the south. Hey, that's right. Southern baby, you love it. So I love that. That's really cool.

SPEAKER_02 37:07

I mean, I can remember when they were in middle and high school making them make phone calls because that was a big deal. Like, oh no, calling the doctor.

SPEAKER_01 37:15

Remember, my mom was like, You're gonna call the doctor and you're gonna, yeah, you're gonna make your dentist appointment. Or even now we make Jax order his food at the dinner table. And like, and he would say, May I please have something? That was one thing my cousin said that she made her kids do. She's like, Yeah, teach them how to order and look at the person, not look at their phone, and like actually look at the person and tell and then say thank you. And then thank thank yeah. Those are skills they need.

SPEAKER_02 37:37

Yes. The one thing that came to my mind was that I I felt that I gave them a sense of adventure. Like it's okay to explore your dreams and get out of the nest, so to speak, go see what the world has to offer because we're always gonna be here and a safe place for you to land if you need it.

SPEAKER_01 37:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:57

And they both agreed with that too. When our oldest was a senior in high school, she left right after graduation and went over to St. Augustine and spent the summer there instead of like a family trip. She went and did that. And she said, without that, she would have never been brave enough to move away in Crayford as an adult. Yeah. And our youngest went off to college and now she's getting ready to move to Texas.

SPEAKER_01 38:19

Wow. I didn't know that. That's a row bar.

SPEAKER_02 38:22

So that's, you know, gonna be needing some prayer.

SPEAKER_01 38:25

Gotcha, girl, writing it down now. Is there anything that you wish you would have worried about less?

SPEAKER_02 38:31

I do. Yeah. And and all three of us agreed that we can see now looking back that I wish I would have worried less about what other people were gonna think. Like Miss Beth had said earlier. You're so worried. And like Carla said, like they're a representation of you. But they're also humans, they're gonna make mistakes. So good. Yeah. And as I was thinking about your question this morning, I was thinking about a quote that I've seen, or it's something about the people that matter won't mind, and the people that mind don't matter. Like those people in your life, people are gonna talk. That's human nature. But the people that matter in your life are gonna understand that your children are gonna make mistakes and they're gonna grow through it and they're gonna learn from it and they're gonna still come out on the other side of it. That's so good. That's good. So good. What about you?

SPEAKER_04 39:18

Well, I'm gonna piggyback off of that. I d I really if I would start out by saying what I wish I hadn't have done would be the worrying, you know, about what people thought. And I wish that I would have gotten that concept of God's building their testimony. I wish I would have thought about that really, especially in their in their teenage years and getting into that going into college and those latter years there. Because I feel like that was when I worried the most about that. Because they're out venturing and they're making their own choices. That is one thing I always told my kids on I can just remember all the way through. When we'd have discussions, family discussions around the table, which that would be one of my things that I think that was something I wanted to do. I wanted to make that a very big and part of our home and our life. And we had lots of discussions about things. And I always wanted it to be open conversation. I didn't never want my kids to be feeling like they couldn't share something. That's so good. Yeah. And that's where we did it a lot of times at the dining room table. And when they had tough questions that what what happens if I was to do this? What do you think about that? That's when we had those tough decisions. And I wish then that I would have been thinking more about their testimony and what God's greeting instead of trying to you know, I always tried to guide them what I thought God would have me do, of course. But there was also some of that parental control going on of what, you know, I had that in there. I mean, honestly, I did. But so those are some things I mean, and I also think that, you know, there's different decisions you make through through them growing up that I look back and I'm thinking, I probably shouldn't have just I should have just let that go. And worried more about, you know, things that were probably, you know, more what God would want them to do. But through it all, I think I wanted my children to be who God created them to be. I have three different children that are totally. I mean, there's two boys that have some similarities, but I have a girl that's completely wildly different than those two boys. And my middle son, he take you know, he took me like pushing him to do things. And so I did, I feel like that was a good thing. Like I had to push him into doing some things to get him to do things. But I look back now and those were things that needed to be done to create who God really wanted him to be. And Kinley was, you know, more of like bring it back, bring it back. Bring it back, bring it back, just a little bit. I'm not sure. Bring it back. But I'm am in that stage where I can look at their lives now and think, you know, God created them to be that way, and now he's using them to build out what he has planned for them. I don't know where I'm going with this, but yeah, yeah, those are mine.

SPEAKER_01 41:58

That's awesome. I love that. How about you, Miss Beth?

SPEAKER_03 42:01

I guess the things being glad that I did with the kids was having just time with them when I feel like, you know, I spent the spiritual time with him. You know. And I hate to say it like that because really, you know, when I look back, I think, well, that should be all the time. But you know what I mean? Those specific times, you know, with them and trying to pour into them what I felt like God was leading as far as having an intimate relationship. That's what I always wanted. I felt like I think one of the things that maybe I wished I wouldn't have done in regards to that is that sometimes I look back and I think, did I teach them more how to be a good church person, you know, a member, or did I teach them about the intimacy with Jesus? You know, yeah. And I do think showing our children that church is important, I think it is important because when they do stray away, if if they have a time when they stray away, I think that they'll say, I I think in their minds sometimes they think, I need to get back to church. And and I think for me, I I want that to be positive. You know, I wanted that to be positive for them. And I have seen that happen. But anyway, as far as you know, those kind of things about being happy that I did, you know, I think and another thing I thought about that this was that we played with our kids. I I had a good mom that showed me how to do that. Because even when we were children, my mom would get out in the yard and she would play with us and you know, and she would build these rope swings, you know, that she showed me all that, you know. And so with our kids, I wanted us to have fun. Just have fun with them, you know. And I think we did. For the most part, we have fun. Of course, I probably have to ask them. And and then the I guess it was kind of like a wish I had done, is that was the other part of the question. Maybe just let them be more of themselves instead of trying to interject to what I thought, you know, let them be more of themselves. But other than that, I don't think I have any real regrets, you know, as far as that. I mean, I don't have any regrets other than just, you know, let God have control of them. Yeah. And again, like they said, don't worry so much about what people think. Yeah. Because the people who really know you and they really care about you and they care about your children, they're gonna know that it's just a season, it's just a time. Yeah, you know, and we all go through those. Yeah. I don't care how how good a Christian you are, if that's the way you want to say it, you're gonna have seasons when it's tough. Yeah. It just is. So, you know, you just gotta give that, give it to the Lord. And I I heard actually on the way over, I was listening to Eddie's podcast from he's doing James now, you know, and there's a little plug, it's really good.

SPEAKER_01 44:41

Yeah, it has been good. It has been good. The intro and outro has a really catchy voice too. She did a great job. She did a great job.

SPEAKER_03 44:49

So, anyway, but one of the things he said, and I don't even know if I'm behind, I didn't know, did you hear that? And I'm like, Oh, give me a couple of days. But one of the things he said was that we always need to have a teachable spirit. And I thought, that is so yeah, I don't want to tell him that was a really good book.

SPEAKER_00 45:08

You know, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 45:09

But it is good. Even even at this stage of my life, I still want to have a teachable spirit. Yeah. And for God just to show me Himself and show me, you know, more even how I can pray for my children. Give me, you know, give me specific God. You know, let me let me be specific in these prayers and not just, oh, take care of them as they travel. Which is a good one to pray. Yeah. But um, but just pray for their their daily lives, you know, and for me to always be teachable. Yeah. That's so good.

SPEAKER_02 45:42

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_01 45:43

Uh well, ladies, any other lasting thoughts or words you want to share with our listeners?

SPEAKER_02 45:48

I think motherhood has the ability to humble you in so many ways, uh, but it also is something that if you allow it, it can bring you closer to God than you've ever been.

SPEAKER_01 46:01

That's so good. That is good. That's so good. Yeah, man. You ladies are so special. Thank you so much for just taking time just yeah, just to share with our listeners about motherhood, life, all the things. And thank you for just, yeah, just y'all's unique special relationship to the orchard and what you do day in and day out. We really, really appreciate you ladies. Well, thank you for listening today's uh podcast with our Brantford momcast. Next week, we'll have our live oak moms on, and it's gonna be another really great conversation, and I am excited to just see how God's gonna use it with our listeners. But in the meantime, have a great week and we'll catch you next week. Thanks for joining us for this episode of Let's Talk About That. We hope it encouraged and challenged you as we continue to grow on this journey of faith and embrace community together. If you have more questions, thoughts, or feedback, we want to hear from you. Be sure to reach out to us through our social media or visit our website to stay connected. If you found today's discussion meaningful, don't forget to subscribe, share, and leave a review. Until next time, we hope that this episode inspired you and will keep Sunday's message at the front of your mind. See you next week.